Jeanne Dorr

Love at First Sight

Jeanne Dorr is a member of the Board of Directors of Lithuanian Orphan Care, a branch of the Human Services Council of the Lithuanian American Community, Inc. She is also a Social Studies teacher in New Jersey.

Did you ever meet a new person and feel this person would forever be a part of your life? I was fortunate to have that experience, and as usual it came about by accident.

A friend from Philadelphia was visiting a museum in New York, which was having a large amber exhibit. My friend overheard a man and woman discussing their upcoming trip to Lithuania. They sounded so excited she couldn’t help introducing herself to them. It was at this moment, although no one knew it at the time, that many hearts and hands would be joined in New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Lithuania. Not bad for a twenty-minute conversation.

Julie Skurdenis and her husband Paul Lalli expressed their desire to help the people of Lithuania on a person to person basis. My friend gave Julie my phone number and Julie promised to call me. When Julie makes a promise -- she keeps it. It was not long afterwards that I picked up the phone and could immediately tell from the voice on the other end that this was a person who wanted to do something. After a very long conversation, Julie decided to sponsor a boy and a girl through Lithuanian Orphan Care. She and Paul were hopeful they would get someone they could write to from time to time.

As our friendship blossomed via telephone, I learned that Julie was a college librarian as well as a travel writer with a special interest in archeology. Paul was a professor of modern languages. The couple has an adopted daughter, Katy, as well as several cats.

Rūta (with goat) and Rasa spend some time with their sponsors. Photo: Jeanne Dorr

As the letters began to fly between New York and Lithuania and back again, Julie was kind enough to share her new friends with me. I felt as though I was becoming a part of both these families. Julie and Paul decided to spend a few weeks in Lithuania during the summer of 1998, and it appeared our paths would cross. It seemed unbelievable that we would have to go to Lithuania to finally meet, but with Julie’s schedule of traveling the world, we just couldn’t seem to “get it together.” I kept thinking, "How can I meet them? I don’t even know what they look like?" So it became a must -- the meeting must happen.

Finally, the big day arrived, and Julie and Paul made the journey to our house in New Jersey. I also invited our mutual friend from Philadelphia to dinner. The occasion could not have been better. That dinner cemented the friendship: these were the friendliest people I ever encountered.

Spring came and went. The telephone calls, the planning and packing continued, and Julie and Paul left for Lithuania. I followed a few weeks later. The day after my arrival, my teenage cousin and I headed for Šiauliai to meet Julie and Paul. Julie’s two sisters were also on the trip, so it gave us an opportunity to get acquainted.

The next day, in Paul’s rental car, we headed for the village outside of Šiauliai where we would meet the first Orphan Care family. Again, we were somewhat apprehensive. Julie and Paul had bought the family gifts, but they did not want to seem overbearing or overwhelming. I am sure the Lithuanian family was feeling the same apprehension -- wondering if what they had planned would be appropriate. These were farm people who were trying to make two professors, who were also world travelers, feel welcome. My cousin and I were just along for the ride as friends.

We drove through small towns, past fields and beautiful scenery. It was at this point things were getting a little foggy, as far as directions go. We turned around a few times and backtracked. Paul is a very patient man but I was starting my usual nagging with, “Let’s ask someone.”

We found a lone man standing on a corner. As soon as he saw us, he recognized us; he was our host. Romas was concerned we might not be able to find the farm, so he waited for us. He directed us to the farm -- we hadn't been too far off.

As soon as we arrived, his wife Regina and daughters, eleven year-old Rūta and six year-old Rasa, ran out to meet us. It was love at first sight for the two families. The house was a typical Lithuanian farmhouse, both comfortable and spotless. As is usual in Lithuania, the table was laden with food, everything from their farm.

Lukas holds a stuffed toy given to him by Paul, his sponsor. Photo: Jeanne Dorr

We sat down to the sumptuous meal and learned the family’s story. Romas's grandfather built the house but he was deported. After independence, the family got their property back but it needed work, work, and more work. Because of the economic situation Romas is not only a full time farmer but holds down a second job of stoking a huge furnace in a commercial establishment. Regina and the girls help take care of the animals and the crops.

Conversation jumped from one topic to another, and then they told us how they came about adopting Rasa. Rūta is their natural daughter. After several years passed without any more children, the couple decided to adopt because they didn’t want Rūta to grow up alone. They knew they had enough love and enough room for more than one child. They visited an orphanage and waited. Eventually they received a call from the director.

As Romas’ face turned bright red, Regina related the story of the call. The director phoned them and said she had a little girl who was abandoned at birth. She told them, “I have the perfect daughter for you. She looks exactly like your husband.” The truth is that Rūta and Rasa do look exactly alike. Rūta is a wonderful and caring big sister who truly loves Rasa.

After dinner Julie opened her shopping bags and it became Christmas in July. The girls could barely contain themselves, but they managed to sit like perfect little ladies while the gifts were explained to them. Julie and Paul not only sent them postcards from their world travels but also brought them small gifts from each place. They were delighted with the colorful poster of the “Big Apple,” picture books, and games. But the girls finally lost their control with the bottles of bubbles and their different size rings to blow them. In an instant the room was filled with bubbles.

For Regina, there were gifts, which she could only dream about: American products of hand lotion, a scarf from Iran, and gifts from far away places around the globe. Romas was also given gifts that left him speechless. They, in turn, presented Julie and Paul with remembrances of their trip and the gratitude of the entire family. There was even a gift for Julie’s mother who corresponded with the family. Romas and Regina both choked up and held back tears as they thanked Julie and Paul not only for the material gifts, but also for the gift of friendship.

Then it was time to tour the farm. On the way out the door Romas made what was almost a fatal mistake. He showed Julie a new litter of kittens, so small he held them all in his hand. My first thoughts were "Here comes trouble." He’s showing these kittens to America’s number one cat lover. Images were racing through my mind as I pictured Julie and me standing in long bureaucratic lines in Vilnius trying to do the paper work to get the kittens out of Lithuania and back to New York. I could actually see the gears turning in Julie’s head despite the fact that they hadn’t said a word to us. She was too busy talking to the kittens. These are probably the only bilingual farm kittens in Lithuania.

I left the area quickly and told the children to tell Aunt Julie there was something they wanted her to see outside. That broke the spell, and we were out the door only to be met by a goat. We viewed the beautiful flowers, discussing each variety.

I was rapidly becoming annoyed with my teen-age cousin who seemed to be pushing me. She wanted to see the movie "Titanic", and I felt she could be a little more patient. As I turned around to snap at her, there was only the goat and me. Apparently he decided it was snack time and was enjoying my skirt. When I looked down he already had a fair amount in his mouth -- he probably had been partial to the yellow roses on the skirt. I managed to disengage my skirt from his mouth and joined the rest of the group who were feeding a new calf with a baby bottle.

After that it was on to see the pigs. Two of them, one black and one white seemed to be in the middle of a fast paced game of tag. We held on for dear life as they raced around us. We were simply an obstacle in their way.

As we walked around I couldn’t help thinking that if there were a perfect spot on earth at this moment then this would be it. But then as reality hit, I thought of the tremendous amount of work with no weekend break. These were people of the earth; they worked with their hands and their hearts. Those hearts were big enough to love another child. I wondered where Rasa would be without these parents and sister who loved and nurtured her.

As the sun began to set, it was the time we were all dreading -- the time to say goodbye. After tearful hugs and kisses, we drove off with promises of another trip to Lithuania and another visit. There was no need for more words; it had been love at first sight.

We spent the night in our hotel, and in the morning we went our separate ways with plans to meet in Vilnius to visit Julie and Paul’s second family in another week.

The week flew and we met in Vilnius. The two families were totally opposite. Irena was a single mother living in a Vilnius apartment complex with seven year-old Lukas. Again, we were welcomed with open arms. Lukas was a precious little blond who looked like he could be on a travel poster advertising a tour for Lithuania. They proudly showed us around the apartment where Irena did all the remodeling herself. She is a music teacher and her creativity extends to art and design.

Lukas proudly showed us his small bedroom where his artwork was displayed. This was not the work of an average seven year-old. There was detail after detail included in all his drawings. After Julie and Paul admired one particular picture, Lukas took it from his wall and shyly handed it to them. This was Lukas’s gift to his sponsors. Once more, it was love at first sight.

The shopping bags were opened again and Christmas in July was happening all over. Lukas was beside himself with the shirts, games, paints, posters, and other gifts. There was even a present for the hamster. Irena beamed with her gifts from Julie and Paul’s travels around the world.

As Lukas played with his hamster, Irena told us her story. She never married and almost despaired of ever having her own child. She loved children so much but it seemed destined that her love would always be for other people’s children. Someone encouraged her to apply to an orphanage. She was almost certain she would be turned down because she was single. But her need to share her life with a child was greater than her fear of being rejected by the agency. So she applied, and much to her surprise the orphanage called her. They had a little boy who been abandoned at birth. Would she like to have a son? The minute she saw him, it was love at first at first sight. There was not a moment of hesitation on her part.

Although she loved Lukas with her heart and soul, the adjustment was difficult. He had nightmares and was afraid of everything, but mainly he was afraid Irena would leave him. Little by little, with patience, understanding and love, not only from Irena but also from her family, Lukas began to adjust to family life. Lukas was very fortunate because he not only had a mother; he had grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

But life is still not picture-perfect. As many single parents, Irena worries about the hours she teaches. There are times her schedule conflicts with Lukas’s school hours. She has to find someone to stay with him while she is working. Because she teaches music, she often has later lessons. She cannot afford to turn down any work because Lithuanian teachers are paid by the number of lessons they teach. Needless to say, money is always a concern. But Irene will quickly point out that the joys of loving Lukas far outweigh any difficulties.

Because they live in a large city, which offers many cultural events, Irena and Lukas take advantage of the concerts, art exhibits, and anything else that either does not have a charge nor has a minimal cost. Lukas is enrolled in several classes, such as art and Lithuanian folk dancing.

The plan for the day was to invite Irena and Lukas to a local restaurant. We left the apartment and met Julie’s sisters in an Italian restaurant. What we didn’t know was that this was Lukas’ first time in a restaurant. I wish, readers, you could have been there to share his excitement! He could hardly keep his feet on the ground he was flying so high.

We decided on several kinds of pizza but Lukas became totally baffled. When Irena called him to the table at home, the food was on the table. Why did we have to wait to eat? Why was the man coming back to the table asking us questions like what we wanted to drink? Was it possible the stove was broken? Would it help if he stood near the door to tell them where to bring the pizza? After what must have seemed like an eternity to a seven-year-old, the food arrived. The moment was priceless. He didn’t know where to start. But once he figured it out, he never said a word until he had sampled everything and made a pronouncement on each dish. My own opinion is that on that day a future restaurant critic was born.

When Paul suggested ordering a pizza for Lukas to take home for supper, Irena protested but Lukas just grinned. The pizza was ordered and again came the sad moment of hugs, kisses, and good-byes. We met two families through the mail as strangers and left Lithuania with two new “extended” families.

Julie and Paul continue to be a part of their children’s lives. How can I possibly thank this couple for their love and concern for these children and their families? I feel such gratitude to them for inviting me to share these happy moments with them. Perhaps the simplest words are the best -- thank you, dear friends.

A debt of gratitude is owed to Snieguolė Jurskis, formerly of Philadelphia and now of Kaunas, for bringing us all together. There are no strangers in Snieguolė’s life, only people she hasn’t met yet. If she hadn’t walked up to Julie and Paul in the museum, Rasa and Lukas and their families would not have become part of us all.

To Regina and Romas, and Irena, you are owed our heart-felt thanks for opening your homes and hearts to two of Lithuania’s abandoned children.