The Story of. . . Lili
...Alcoholics Anonymous in Lithuania

Jeanne Dorr is a member of the Board of Directors of Lithuanian Orphan Care, a branch of the Human Services of the Lithuanian American Community, Inc. She is also a Social Studies teacher in New Jersey.

It was by chance, while standing under an awning during a torrential downpour, that I met an American Lithuanian woman in Vilnius who told me she was in Lithuania for a seminar hosted by Alcoholics Anonymous. It really surprised me because I never quite realized that international organizations were active in Lithuania. Yet I should have known better; Lithuania is rapidly moving into the next century. I asked her if she could give me a contact name and number Ö that she did. I was due to this chance meeting with a stranger that I met Lili.

It was one of those weeks in Lithuania where it seems that heaven forgets to turn off the water faucet. The sky was black, the rain was coming down in sheets, and the umbrella wouldn't open. While I was waiting to cross the street, I was in water up to my ankles. I guess the sewer couldn't handle the overflow. Every car that passed by, splashed me. By the time I entered the large, gray building, my looks and mood were water-logged. After entering three or four offices (naturally, they were the wrong ones) I finally found the office of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was warmly greeted by Lili, a beautiful young lady, and my mood quickly changed. Not knowing anything about this organization, I assumed she was simply employed by them. It was not until we started our interview that she told me she was a recovering alcoholic.

Lili gave me a brief history of how Alcoholics Anonymous came to be in Lithuania. A man named Romas was desperate for help with his drinking problem. He tried many doctors, both those of the body and of the mind, but he just couldn't stop drinking.

He heard about an organization in America which helped people like him, and he sent a letter asking for advice. They sent him their literature in English, and he learned it from cover to cover. Not long after that, an international delegation from Alcoholics Anonymous traveled to Russia. They stopped at the Vilnius Airport, and telephoned Romas asking if he needed assistance setting up a program. He was delighted with their offer of help. They asked him to find two or three people who shared his problem. At the first meeting, on June 30th, 1988, with only three or four people present, Alcoholics Anonymous was born in Vilnius. This first meeting was to be the first day of their lives.

At the time I conducted the interview, there were 29 groups in Lithuania with about a thousand recovering alcoholics participating. They meet in building, halls, and private homes. They meet in all districts of the city, and the meeting hours are staggered to accommodate as many people as possible.

Vilnius has the largest number of groups - six. On Wednesdays, they conduct their meeting in English. All major cities have at least one chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous. They accept no funding from outside sources, and are totally self-reliant. They follow the steps of the organization.

The opening of a new chapter is considered a birthday Ö the first day of the participant's life without alcohol. Visitors from all the chapters, as well as guests from as far away as Latvia are invited. The members were especially proud of the working seminar which was held in Lithuania in 1996. Lithuania hosted delegates from many countries, including America. For one week, they stayed by the sea with each of the 320 delegates paying their expenses. Although the weather was uncooperative, the delegates returned to their homes with wonderful memories. Lili explained how there is a place for everyone at the meetings and that all are welcome.

Then there was Lili's story. This beautiful, young woman was a serious music student who never had any desire to drink. Her friends would urge her to take a drink at social events so that she would 'lighten up' and 'have a good time'. But Lili had no interest in alcohol; it didn't even taste good to her. Yet there were times when she felt morose, almost as if there was a dark cloud hanging over her head. She felt there was something missing from her life; she lacked a feeling of peace.

Lili was an excellent musician, and when she finished her professional training, she obtained a place with a prestigious orchestra. She enjoyed her work, but the pressures to maintain her position were ever present. The stress began to mount. Many of the orchestra members enjoyed drinking as a way to relieve their tensions. Lili would join them, too. At that point, she realized she enjoyed alcohol. She wanted to have friends and to be accepted by the group. After a few drinks, she felt happy; she started to forget her problems, and the stress in her life lessened.

The more she drank, the happier she felt. Of course, this was only while she was drinking. The same problems and the same stress were there once her head cleared. At first she took a drink after rehearsals. Then she needed a drink when she came home at night to help her fall asleep. She would wake up physically sick and depressed. Soon she needed a drink after breakfast to help her face the day.

Lili had a real desire to stop drinking because she knew it was destroying not only her career, but her life. She asked God to help her stop, to show her the way to quit. Every time she thought about making a genuine effort to quit drinking, she would start rationalizing to herself why she should wait just a little while longer. She would stop tomorrow, she would wait until after her birthday, after Christmas, after the next wedding or christening she would be attending. There was always a reason to put off the decision that would change her life.

Eventually Lili left the orchestra and was working in a school. This was when she hit rock bottom.

The summer vacations were just too much for her. They allowed her too much time for herself. For two weeks she drank morning, noon, and night. These were two lost weeks in her life. She couldn't remember anything; she lost control of her life. When her sister found her, Lili was shaking so badly, she couldn't hold a cup in her hand or dress herself. Her sister insisted on taking her to a doctor. Lili would not hear of it. The doctor might think she was a drunk, and Lili couldn't bear the thought that someone would think of her in that way.

Her sister struggled with her and finally got her into the car. The doctor took one look at Lili and put her into the hospital. It was exactly what Lili feared most ֍ she was stuck in a ward with a group of drunks. These were the kinds of people Lili scorned when she herself did not drink. She would look at them and wonder why they couldn't control themselves. How could they let themselves go like this? Certainly, Lili was not a person like this.

Lili thought that all she needed was for the doctors to examine her and give her some pills to help her stop drinking. She soon found out there was no magic pill. She had to do it all on her own.

Lili told me that being in the hospital was a truly rewarding experience for her. It was during those days she spent talking to the other patients that her eyes were opened, and they were opened wide. These weren't drunks; these were people the same as Lili. They faced problems they thought were insurmountable without the help of a drink, just like Lili.

Alcohol was not selective in who it destroyed - no one was spared. These were mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. They were young and old, educated and uneducated, from the cities and from the villages. They all had their own story to tell. Some had been in the hospital five and six times, and they told Lili there was no magic pill.

When Lili left the hospital, she felt fortunate to have met the other patients. She still had her drinking problem but, now she knew she wasn't alone. She wasn't the only person in Lithuania who couldn't face her problems.

After she was discharged, someone told her about Alcoholics Anonymous, and Lili went to a meeting. She told me that this was truly the first day of her life. It was here that Lili learned she had an incurable illness that attacked her body, her mind, and her soul. It is not a disease that destroys only the person who has it, it destroys the lives of all who love that person. Lili made a commitment at that first meeting, and she has kept it. She now feels the inner peace she could not find for much of her adult life.

Lili spends much of her work day on the telephone. She offers encouragement to those people who are about ready to "slip". She's very good at this because she understands their problems; she's been there herself. She didn't learn the answers from a textbook, she learned them from her own bitter experiences. Lili has a glow about her which is contagious to all she touches.

This statue stands at the birthplace of Bishop Motiejus Valancius (1895 - 1935) in Nastrenai, Zemaitija. Valancius was a proponent of the abstinence movement. School groups follow his anti-alcohol message to this day and flock to his birthplace for poetry readings of his works. Photo: Ramune Kubilius

Lithuania is fortunate to have such dedicated people who are trying to make a difference with this devastating problem. At the time of my interview, Alcoholics Anonymous still hadn't reached in to the countryside where the problem is so desperate. They are encouraging young people to visit Alcoholics Anonymous, to sit in on their meetings, and to ask questions.

Lili explained to me that when a person is desperate for help to stop drinking, they will find their way to Alcoholics Anonymous. She told me of a man who walks many miles from a village to the city to attend meetings. He was ready to face his problem. With the help of those who had been there, he was successful.

I would like to thank the American Alcoholics Anonymous for helping the Lithuanian people triumph over this destructive demon that is destroying their lives and their families.

Our word of thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. for providing the publications and materials for Lithuania. Sincere gratitude to Romas who had the determination and foresight to seek help not only for himself but for others who shared his addiction.

A most sincere thanks to Lili for sharing her personal story with me. Her enthusiasm turned a dark, cloudy day onto one filled with sunshine and the knowledge that here is help and hope for those who want to help themselves.